Episode 9 - Identifying and Understanding Birth Perceptions

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Hi there, Rachel, here I am part of the aligned birth podcast duo with Dr. Shannon, and today I am doing a solo episode all about birth perceptions, how they're shaped how they're informed why it matters and what to do next. So I want to begin by talking about birth perceptions, how they're shaped.

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For most of us, they are shaped by stories that we've been told from close family and friends.

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Some are positive, some are negative.

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I tend to hear from my clients and students that their family and friends love sharing the stories that are the negative ones right, maybe full of fear or trauma or bad things happening, or almost happening.

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Those seem to be the ones that keep getting told and that are perpetuated for some reason. So when you think about your birth perception. What that means is like when someone says, you know, are you ready for childbirth or what do you think about childbirth or, you know, are you excited, if people are asking you about your upcoming birth, or maybe if you're not pregnant yet. When you're asked about, you know, when you're going to have a baby right what thoughts are, what thoughts come to your mind about childbirth and giving birth and becoming a mother. That's your perception of birth. So we all have a perception. I want to talk about the discovery of how your perception was informed was an informed from stories of fear and scary things happening, or war they informed from stories of positive, empowering experiences that left the mother feeling confident and healthy unsatisfied. And, or, if you don't have stories being shared by family and friends.

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Is your birth perception, shaped by what, what you see on TV or in the movies, and this might be the case for your partner if they're a male partner, husband or boyfriend who most likely hasn't experienced or witnessed like real birth, or you know his friends aren't talking about birth stories. Maybe his perception of birth is rooted in what he's seen on TV and in the movies. And that could be the same for you as well. If that's all you've heard or seen about birth is in the movies and you might view birth as something that is like a medical emergency, or, you know, full of panic and screaming and sweating, and I don't know what what you see in the movies right I don't. I feel like every time I watch a birth happen on TV.

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I kind of shake my head and I'm like, That is not what birth looks like, but that's how some people's perception of birth is shaped and that's their only exposure to it. So I am here to pull back the veil from the perception of birth from from TVs and movies and to help you work through any sort of negative or stories that have been passed down from family or friends and help you discover your own birth perception that that can move you kind of inform your, your birth perception in a way that moves you in a positive direction. That can help reduce your fear surrounding childbirth, reduce the uncertainty and the worry and any sort of anxious feelings you're having about giving birth, if you're feeling like you just aren't sure what to expect, right.

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So, I'll share with you a little bit about my birth perceptions, and how they were informed when I was younger, versus now right a lot has changed for me in the past 10 years.

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My oldest son was born in 2013, and so I became pregnant in 2012. And now we are in 2021.

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So a lot has changed in our world. And a lot a lot a lot has changed for me as an individual. So before becoming pregnant, my exposure to birth, were the stories I heard from my mother, so she gave birth to three daughters, and maybe one of them. And then my sisters, two older sisters and they have five children between them.

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So the stories from my mom, right, we have different generations here of birthing women.

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So my, my mother shared stories and she always had a positive vibe surrounding her stories but it was different than, than it is now because they administered a drug called. It was colloquial colloquially known as the Twilight drug.

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I don't know Its technical name but it was a drug that they gave to women in labor to, it didn't take the pain away. It just made you not remember the pain, which is fascinating to me.

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And so she doesn't have like a memory of the actual birth like she has it's kind of spotty. And that was the same for all three of her daughter so we were born between 1974 and 1982, and she had the same obstetrician, or all three. And it was the same obstetrician who gave birth to my dad, so he had been around for a while.

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And so he still use this drug called the Twilight drug, and it basically erased memory of the birth mom loved her care provider and always has positive things to say about her experience. I know her labor with me was, was challenging, and came and happened very fast and she, I think, feels like the recovery from that birth was very difficult, but she always speaks very positively of her experience.

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Another thing to note about that her, her experiences giving birth is that my dad was not in the room. It was an era where the dad stayed in the waiting room, so he was not present for any of our births either. And I think now we've shifted more towards having the partner in the room and the husband being involved in supporting and and being awake for the birth and so you know some things have changed and I think it's for the positive.

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And so then you move into the stories for my sisters, so they're a little bit older than me, but not by much. But both of their firstborns were delivered via Syrian, and they had care providers who didn't do, like VBACs, which is a vaginal birth after cesarean. So they had to repeat Syrians for their subsequent bursts. So they, that those were their stories. And so that was my closest exposure to to giving birth stories.

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And I never really thought too much about it until I became pregnant with my first and I thankfully had a good friend, who shared with me the documentary The business of being born. And that documentary I've referenced it before it, it's changed everything for me, it opened my eyes it resonated with me. It highlighted normal physiological birth, I saw women in labor I saw women making sounds. I saw women very present, I saw you know partners present in supportive. I saw how they felt after the birth. I heard how they talked about their birth experience impacting their start to motherhood and the lasting effect, that their experience had on them.

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Good and bad. And it just resonated with me, and I knew, with, with the stories I had learned about giving birth, and then watching that documentary I was like, I want something different.

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And it wasn't because the stories I had heard were bad or wrong, it's just that I saw the potential. And I was so thankful to have had that exposure, so that it gave me a chance to explore how I could give birth in a different way than how I had been informed about birth, originally, so many people experience this, and you kind of have to work through a little bit of guilt and uncertainty and doubt when you are doing something different than how you learned about it. You kind of question yourself and you're like, well they did it and they're fine so I can do it the same way and be fine, right. A lot of people have those feelings and so it prevents them from really sort of stretching the stretching and sort of exploring alternative ways to do something right and especially in our culture here in America, you know, birth is highly medicalized, I have a very high seseri and birth rate. Lots of Obstetricians delivering babies to healthy low risk mamas so that's the, that's typically what's being shared in movies and conversations and so that feels normal.

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And it is common, but there are other ways to consider giving, giving birth.

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And it's not about the right way or the wrong way, it's about knowing what's out there what's available, how we, how we kind of see childbirth. And if there's room in there to maybe see it differently, right so I'm talking about this to invite you into an exploration of your, your history, your the stories you've been told your perception your partner's perception and then see if there's room in there to explore new ideas. So that's why I'm having this conversation, and some people don't even think about how their perceptions are shaped. I didn't think about it I didn't intentionally think about my perception of birth going into my pregnancy, and I wish I had I wish someone had talked to me about it. And that's why I'm talking about it today. You know I again I had the fortunate opportunity of seeing that documentary early on and it resonated with me and that facilitated change in me and sent me on a completely different trajectory than I would have been on otherwise. So that's sort of the catalyst moment for me but I feel like if I can have this conversation here with you, and maybe ignite some curiosity and ignite some, some conversation with you within yourself and with your partner, that might motivate you to move in a slightly different direction or explore slightly different alternatives or options for the care you have during your pregnancy and birth.

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Then Then I consider that a win.

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And so what I'm inviting you to do today is to consider since maybe you haven't been maybe this question hasn't been proposed to you or this thought is like, Have you considered how your perception of birth is shaped. Is it is it from stories you've been told and are those stories, positive or negative, is it from the TVs and movies and how does that make you feel is that how you think birth will go.

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So I'm inviting you to consider those your own birth perception, and the ways that it's been informed. And if you're unsure how to know where you sit with your birth perception. I want to I want to ask you these questions. And then I want you to take these questions and ask them of yourself and of your, your partner who's in this with you.

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So how did you learn about birth. Was it in anatomy class in high school, was it from the stories told right from family members, or was it from TV and movies.

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And then I want you to ask is, childbirth, a normal physiological event, or is it a medical event that needs to be managed by doctors and in a hospital.

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I asked this, because it's, There's not really a right or wrong answer for you, it's just, I want you to have a baseline for where you're at and then we'll build upon that right. So what is your initial response is childbirth like a normal event that unfolds, usually without complication and can be supported safely at home in a birth center at a hospital, or is it something that you're like nope all births should be in a hospital or should be delivered with an obstetrician, it's more of a medical event. And that's kind of two ways to look at it. And your answer can help guide you and as you're learning from this podcast and from the conversations we will have, you will build upon this information. So the next question I would like for you to ask is, what role did the partner play in the stories you were told about birth right was, like I said with my mom, my dad was in the waiting room. That was his role that was how it was done. But with my purse. My husband was a very active participant he was in the room, very involved in the childbirth education classes right that's sort of the direction we've shifted as a society.

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And I don't see how my dad did it as wrong, that's just how they did it then, but we have some information now that says it's beneficial to have the partner be active. If they want to be and it can it can really provide some positive emotional, physical support to the birthing person so with that information, having him present it was it was really positive for me.

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So, for me when I answer that question, like I had a I had a vision account, my dad was involved in like my mom's first, but then when I kind of was exposed to some new ways of doing it I recognized how I wanted it to be for my purse was different. So, if you have some perceptions of birth that are rooted in past stories or Miss Information, I want you to be willing to explore those further ticket, that's how they did it then, and that's okay, that's not right or wrong I'm not judging that but I'm identifying that that previous story is informing my current perception of birth, and that that can have an impact on my, my birth experience. And when you can kind of disconnect that there because that was their experience. I'm going to create my own experience my own birth perceptions that are more rooted in normal physiological birth right more rooted in evidence of what we know about. Now, instead of tying yourself or your experience to what's happened in the past. And when you can kind of detach and recognize okay I'm in control here I'm going to make decisions that are best for me, that says do you want a more positive trajectory that sends you in launches you through a birth and into motherhood in a positive direction.

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So, the next thing I want to share with you is a few words to consider as you are working through this process of discovering your birth perception, how it is now and how you maybe want to it to be as you give birth. So there are three words I want to share with you. One is decision maker. So I want you to work towards seeing yourself as the decision maker over your body, and your pregnancy, and your birth experience.

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When you are engaging with your doctor or midwife, when you are talking to your partner or family and friends right practicing being the decision maker, seeing yourself as responsible for taking care of yourself. Seeking chair that is evidence based right like asking questions of your care provider or of the staff at the hospital. Anyone who's providing care of you during your pregnancy right, asking questions, and then you're being allowed a chance to make a decision. Once you've gathered information that makes you the decision maker. I want you to see yourself as the decision maker. During all of your life but especially during pregnancy. Because when you practice that now, it'll help you during your birth, and it'll help you as you enter motherhood because it doesn't stop at birth. It is only the beginning. So when you can exercise that muscle as being a decision maker in pregnancy, it will help you because you need that tool when you are a new mother and progressed of raising your children. So it's a good word to embody and to practice using so decision maker.

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The next one is autonomy. I love, love, love this word. So, when you are autonomous, that is, is sort of like decision maker but it means you have you have rights over your body, you are in charge of your body. And so you want to seek care from a doctor or midwife who sees you as autonomous. That means you are the birthing person, you are in charge of your body in your baby and with Guided Discovery and with gathering information, and considering your own personal preferences and medical history and circumstances that you will make decisions that are best for you and your baby. So autonomy is you have autonomy over your body. So that's a word that if that's new for you I want you to explore that. So without a little bit further, and be sure that you're aligning with people during your pregnancy and birth who see you as a tightness.

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The last word or two words I guess together is active participant. So, I want you to see yourself as an active participant in the care of your pregnancy and birth. So, in today's conversation I'm talking about birth perceptions and so the beginning of becoming an active participant is identifying your birth perceptions, and how they were shaped and informed and how you can envision your the birth that you want the birth that you feel supported, respected, competent, healthy, safe, like, I want you to envision that birth. And then I want you to work, consciously to be an active participant to achieve that vision. So I can say unequivocally that every birthing person wants a happy, healthy, safe, baby, right, that happy part is where, and the satisfying part and the positive birth experience is the one that people can do to cut down on the list. We want safe, and we want healthy, and that's just like that's the baseline, but everyone's like well save healthy birth and baby. That's all that happens, then I don't care about the rest. And I agree we want a safe and healthy baby that's like the assumed like that is the baseline. So now I want you to add to that priority that you want to feel good about your birth, no matter how when you want to have a positive overall experience a satisfying experience. Happy experience. And what is it going to take for you to achieve that feeling. Right. I want you to feel supported through this whole process I want you to feel respected, I want you to feel confident. Right. And so to do that you have to be an active participant in your care.

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Instead of a passive receiver of medical care or medical technology. So sometimes people get swept up in the process of going to the, going to the doctor and then they do the scans and the test and they're being medically managed from the get go because that's, that's how most obstetricians practice. And that's how most people receive care and most people give birth in a hospital where birth is medically managed, and that's to not discount the special to the specialization of an obstetrician and the care they can provide and, and the babies and the mothers that they do save and it's not to discount care in a hospital that you can receive. It's understanding that pregnancy and birth are a normal physiological event, not a medical event and so they really only need obstetricians and hospitals, when they're necessary, but when we choose an obstetrician order, or a hospital for a healthy low risk pregnancy. You have to be more of an active participant in your care to ensure that you don't end up with the medical being medically managed and with interventions that aren't necessary that lead to outcomes that you don't desire for most people, right, they, they want that safe healthy experience so to ensure that I want you to see yourself as an active participant. So to be an active participant What's that look like. That means you're asking questions of your care provider you are seeking a birth team who aligns with you who support you, who sees you as the autonomous birthing person that you are, and a birth team is someone that your doctor or midwife that's possibly a doula childbirth educator, your chiropractor, gosh, there are so many people who can bring in to help you can have a postpartum doula lactation specialists, pelvic floor therapists, emotional, mental counselors and therapists, anyone who you are seeking care from, you want them to see you as the autonomous birthing person that you are. So being an active participant in that process is choosing them carefully choosing those people intentionally and asking them questions to see if they align with you and your ultimate desires for your birth.

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Otherwise ways to be an active participant is to you know be doing be doing research right so listening to podcasts like you are here, reading books, doing searches online that are from websites that are evidence based, like evidence based birth is the one that comes to mind if I say that out loud, where they're providing accurate information. So doing research, reading positive birth stories, watching documentaries about real normal birth. This also is not about doing it unmedicated or without an epidural or at home. This is about watching birth of all types, right now with YouTube, we can access videos of all kinds of birth right, hospital birth waterbirth homebirth vaginal birth after cesarean so VBAC events the Syrian birth now you didn't have a gentle family centered to Syrian. So, exposing yourself to all types of birth and then seeing what resonates with you, right, taking a childbirth education class helps inform that foundation helps build that foundation of knowledge for normal birth, pregnancy and birth so through that you can use that through all your doctor's visits and conversations that you're having and through your birth and postpartum the childbirth education is really the foundation to being an active participant. So that's where you're gathering information and forming your intuition, and continuing to discover what you want, and, and how you want and the birth you want to have right.

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So I want to invite you to imagine your birth. How do you want to feel.

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Who do you want to be surrounded by what words do you want to hear what sense do you want to smell. What things do you want to see what sounds do you want to hear.

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How do you want to feel. Do you want to feel confident to want to feel supported, loved, safe, private respected seen and heard. These are the things you deserve during birth, and they're not assumed, they're not available without for everyone without some active participation and and some work to get there, I wish, I wish it was assumed I wish that it was available to everyone to have those things and those feelings during birth but the reality is that they're not.

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And so I'm here today to help you start the discovery process with learning about how you perceive birth, and, and how to get, how to kind of identify your story before and where you want to go, and some tips to get where you want to go or just get started right. If that feels overwhelming to you. I want to invite you to just start simply by having a conversation with your partner or close friend or family, and talk about birth perceptions and just start there and see where it goes, you know, watch, watch the business of being born if you haven't seen that that's also a great place to start.

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Check out evidence based birth, that website is full of information that can help you along your educational journey.

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Keep listening to this podcast, I'll be bringing more information like this to you. And

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I believe that is all for today, so keep staying curious, keep asking questions, keep checking in with yourself, you are doing amazing work as you prepare for your the arrival of your new baby so I want to encourage you to, to keep sitting with the uncomfortable.

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If, if it feels scary or uncertain lean into it, the more we lean into the unknown, the less fearful we feel, and the more knowledge we gain about the process of giving birth, the less fearful we feel. So I invite you to stay tuned with us as we continue to help peel back the layers of the process of pregnancy and birth and reduce fear and increase confidence to help you have a wonderful birth, No matter how it unfolds.

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Thanks for listening to the Align birth podcast. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast please share it with others. You can screenshot it and tag us on Instagram at alligned underscore birth, or leave a rating and review. If you don't want to miss our newest episodes, be sure to tap the subscribe button. Your support is greatly appreciated. As always, we strive to bring you lots of information because knowledge is power and applied knowledge is empowerment. Thanks again for being here, and see you next week.

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