Heart and Soul: The Beautiful Struggle of Parenthood and Self-Identity
Becoming a parent is a beautiful and transformative experience. Having children is a gift that cannot be adequately described in words. It's as if you're watching your heart grow outside of your body. It's miraculous and heart-wrenching all at once. You want your child to stay little forever because there's magic in each stage, but you also find it fascinating to watch them explore their new world.
Children learn and develop at incredible speeds, changing so much in such a short time. But the growth and change of the parent is also something miraculous and heart-wrenching.
When you become a parent, you have to navigate who you are in this new role while also balancing who you are as an individual, partner, friend, lover, daughter, employee, and so much more. That balance is difficult, to say the least. Who am I as a parent? Who am I as a lover? How can I turn off all the millions of racing thoughts in my head and go to bed with my partner or go out for drinks with my friends? Am I allowed to still feel sexy now that I am a mother, a role model? What needs to change? Who am I?
We question ourselves so much as new parents and embark on a unique journey to find out who we are after our rebirth. Yes, you are reborn as a parent. Pregnancy and childbirth are totally transformational and transcendent times in your life. They’re filled with wonder but also uncertainty. It's hard to know who you will be after you have a child, and it can be even harder to get acquainted with your new self.
Of course, you aren't completely different, but you are different. You carry the cells of your children within you for an eternity, you love deeper, your body changes—sometimes a little, sometimes a lot—you are now balancing keeping someone you love most in the world alive, and you are no longer as acquainted with yourself as you once were.
You have to get to know yourself again. You have to learn what is important to you, what recharges you, what makes you feel confident, sexy, smart, independent, and valued. What filled your cup before may not fill it now. You may have found it energizing to go for a girls' night out, but now you dread it because a missed night of sleep will follow you for days. What turned you on and made you feel sexy before may not do it for you now. You may have loved wearing sexy underwear or walking around naked, but now your inner critic taunts you about the new changes your body has experienced. You may have loved to read and get lost in a book, but now, when you do have time to read, you find yourself falling asleep or daydreaming about your sweet little baby.
All of these things are normal. You will find your way and discover who you are as an individual. It takes time and intentional reflection. You need to date yourself.
What does that look like anyway?
It looks like gentle love with yourself, patience, time alone to think and rest, time to move your body in ways that bring joy and confidence, time with your partner, time with friends, time to leave the house alone to stroll.
It takes time, reflection, energy, patience, openness, and self-love.
Here are some additional tips to help you find yourself and practice self-love:
Set Boundaries: Learn to say no when necessary. Protect your time and energy by setting boundaries with family, friends, and even your children.
Practice Self-Care: Regularly engage in activities that rejuvenate you. This could be a hobby, a beauty treatment, a workout, or simply a quiet moment with a cup of tea.
Journal: Write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Journaling can help you process your emotions and gain insights into your evolving identity.
Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Whether it's from a partner, family member, friend, or a professional, support can provide relief and perspective.
Stay Connected: Maintain relationships with friends and family. Social connections are vital for emotional health and can provide a sense of normalcy and support.
Embrace Change: Accept that change is a part of life. Embrace the new you and the changes that come with parenthood.
Meditate: Practice mindfulness and meditation to help manage stress and stay grounded. Even a few minutes a day can make a significant difference.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate the small victories in your daily life. This can boost your confidence and reinforce positive behaviors.
Learn Something New: Engage in new learning experiences or hobbies that interest you. This can be invigorating and help you rediscover your passions.
Stay Physically Active: Exercise regularly, even if it's just a short walk. Physical activity can boost your mood, energy levels, and overall well-being.
Create a Routine: Establish a routine that includes time for yourself. Consistency can provide a sense of stability and control.
Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to reinforce your self-worth and combat negative self-talk. Remind yourself of your strengths and capabilities.
Communicate with your partner about your insecurities and needs, and ask for what you need to learn who you are in addition to this new and important role. Embrace the journey, knowing that each step brings you closer to the person you are becoming—a parent who is not only nurturing and loving but also confident, self-aware, and fulfilled.
